


The Truth That Once Was Spoken

by acme146



Series: Almost Like A Prophecy [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: African Dream Root, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charlie Ships It, Fluff, M/M, Mental Torture, Pining, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Surprise Guest Star Ships It, Zachariah Being a Dick, canon compliant AU, s4 ep 20 (The Rapture)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5902471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acme146/pseuds/acme146
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon Compliant AU. When Cas was taken to Heaven and 'reconditioned', Zachariah got...creative. Castiel returned to the Winchesters with a terrible certainty concerning Dean. But nothing's set in stone, and there's more than one person who wants Cas (and Dean) to see the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This fic was written while I was in the middle of watching seasons 4 and 5, so it's not...well, it's canon compliant to a point anytime after that. Feel free to include it at any point that suits your fancy. :)  
> Our story begins right after Cas' fight with the angels in The Rapture (4:20)...

Cas is strong. Cas is one of the best fighters in the garrison, ask anyone. Cas needs to win this fight, to warn the Winchester brothers about the angels’ real endgame. 

Unfortunately, Cas’ opponents are strong, they are also two of the best fighters in the garrison, and they need to win this fight to prevent Cas from contacting the Winchesters at all.

Two to one. Ultimately, Cas cannot win. He does not. 

Ripped from Jimmy Novak’s body, Cas is dragged into the sky, higher and higher, higher than humans can understand. Cas doesn’t watch the world fall away from him, as he sometimes does in flight. Cas closes his eyes, to prepare for what is coming. 

Cas has heard the whispers of what is done to angels who disobey. Death, of course, or doomed to fall, but that does not come first. The whispers say death is only delivered once it has been asked for. 

And Cas is afraid. 

_Where are you, Father?_

It was that part that frightens Cas most about what he learned through eavesdropping, through old favours, through Anna. The angels using the Winchesters—disturbing, but nothing new. That the angels intended to betray humanity…that was not all that surprising. The endgame did, of course, allow for Paradise on Earth, but only if they won. Still, angels were more proud than they liked to admit, and they could not, would not consider the possibility of loss. The Lord will provide. 

Except the Lord isn’t there anymore. He could have been gone for years, decades, even centuries of mortal time, and only a few would have known.

Cas should have known. He was a young angel, but he had fuzzy, bright memories of his Father’s presence, before the Fall of Lucifer, before the Fall of Man. His Father was closer to them then, and though they didn’t see Him Cas remembers His love. Now there is only silence and fear in the halls of heaven, some afraid to speak too loudly, others too blind to see how far they have strayed.

What has happened in Heaven, that they have become so close to demons?

Cas shudders. _Blasphemy. Blasphemy. BLASPHEMY._

Cas doesn’t mean to be blasphemous. He doesn’t want to believe that Father is gone, that the chain of command has a new head, that people and angels are dying for nothing. 

_What you’re feeling? It’s called doubt._

But it isn’t doubt any longer. It’s cold certainty, and Cas wishes he didn’t know. 

That kind of regret won’t help. 

They enter Heaven seconds later and if Cas was human, he would describe the feeling as being ‘on his knees’. His true form doesn’t have knees, but the feeling is the same. He looks up into Zach’s face, and hates him. 

“Castiel, explain yourself.”

“What am I explaining?” Cas looks straight at Zach, though he’s pulsing with rage. 

“You have been doubting. You have gone against orders. You have tried to tell the Winchesters our plan. Do you have any justification for these actions?”

Cas does, but it won’t help. Zach would not have gone this far if he himself had any doubts. 

“I serve the Will of God, and continue to do so,” was all he said. “I serve his Word of Right and Wrong. What you are doing is wrong, Zachariah, and you know it.”

Zach makes a sign. Cas is dragged up, slammed against a wall harder than mortal steel, and he can no longer move. He braces himself. This will hurt, this will test him, but they will not break him. He has to stay strong, keep fighting. For humanity…for the Winchesters…for Dean’s sake. 

Zach comes closer, until he and Cas are almost touching. He isn’t wearing his vessel, but his smile is very much the same. 

“I am doing wrong, Castiel? I am doing my best to take over for our Father, who saw fit to abandon his post, abandon us all—”

“You don’t know that!” Cas spits. 

“And save as much of humanity as I can, that we can,” Zach continues. “We will win this war, Castiel, and those who die will be saved, I guarantee it.” He heaved a great sigh. “Whereas you…Castiel, you are committing the worst damage you can.”

Cas doesn’t understand.

“We are supposed to aid humanity and give protection to our charges, and what have you done to Dean Winchester?”

He still doesn’t understand.

Zach smiles again, and Cas tenses. “Dean Winchester has a great destiny, he will stop the apocalypse by…well, you know his role. And you had your orders. Save him from Hell, although you could have gotten there faster—” he pauses long enough for Cas to wince. He had done the best he could, but the hunter had broken just before he got there. 

“His guilt is on my hands, his shame. I understand that, I am trying to make him understand that!” 

“Don’t you understand?” Zach’s smile is gone, and he looks Cas up and down, probably looking for the best place to start carving with the knife now in his hands. “I don’t care about your failure to stop the breaking of the seal—if you understood what you know to be happening, you know that seal had to break! Your orders were to get Dean Winchester out of Hell. That was it.” He comes closer to Cas, rests the knife near his eyes. “They said nothing about making a bond with him.”

Cas doesn’t answer. The knife is not frightening anymore. 

“Nothing about aiding him, about taking his side, about trying to show him that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ angels. Nothing about reaching out to comfort him when his brother is off with the demon bitch…”

Cas doesn’t want to hear any more. 

“Nothing about falling in love with him.”

“I am not in love with him.”

“You were always a terrible liar, Castiel.” Zach tuts, steps away from him, twirling the knife. “How can you deny it? You want him to succeed so badly you risked everything to gain knowledge of his true fate. You have defied the highest authority—well, you thought you did, and you don’t truly regret that. You’re _Cas_ , now, not Castiel, and you like it.”

Cas—because he is Cas, damnit—can’t speak. Where is this going? 

“And the worst part is you cannot see how you will break him.” 

“I would fall before I hurt Dean.” Cas speaks before he thinks, but he means it. 

Zach laughs. “Can’t you see, Castiel? You have already begun to destroy him.”

Cas glares at him.

“Don’t believe me?” Zach hums. “Perhaps I should show you.” He brushes his essence against Cas, directly over his Grace, and the world splinters.

********************

_Dean cradles Sam’s dead body, weeping desperately. All around them angels and demons fight, but his world extends only to his little brother, who died trying to protect him from Lucifer._

_“Sammy, I told you, I wasn’t mad,” Dean chokes out. He’s bleeding, he’s wounded, he doesn’t care. “You didn’t have to die to fix this. I was supposed to do this, I wasn’t strong enough.” He looks up at the sky and screams, “you were supposed to help me! You were supposed to protect him!”_

_Cas stares in horror as no one answers Dean’s accusation._

_“Oh wait, I forgot,” Dean says bitterly. “Angels can only help humans so far, right? I can’t depend on you forever?” He draws a knife from his belt, and takes his brother’s hand. “I should never have depended on you at all.”_

_The blade sinks into Dean’s throat, and he slumps down, choking on his own blood._

_****************************_

_They’re sitting in a diner, and Dean is calm and happy across from Cas. He’s staring at him with utter adoration, the way Amelia looked at Jimmy._

_“We’ll hit the road tomorrow, look for new leads,” Dean is saying._

_“That sounds good,” Cas hears himself say._

_Where is Sam?_

_“We’ve got to bring him down, Cas,” Dean says. His eyes cloud. “I know he was my brother, but damn, he’s lost it.”_

_“Lucifer was once my brother,” the other Cas says matter-of-factly. “We will fight them both, and we will win. Heaven will reward us.”_

_Dean tries to smile. “You know, I used to be mad for you making me choose between Heaven and Sam, but I see why now.” He takes Cas’ hand in his. “I have you.” And in his eyes Cas can see the angelic control, not enough to wipe Dean out, but enough to skew what was most important. The other Cas flicks his hand, and the glow flares briefly._

_“Of course Dean,” the other Cas says to the man he has to control every day to stop him from breaking away from him, from Heaven, from the Plan. “You have me.”_

_**************************************_

_Cas is in a house, watching himself read a bedtime story to a tiny girl with Dean’s eyes and Jimmy Novak’s dark hair—how did that happen?—while Dean stands in the doorway and smiles. He looks older, closer to John Winchester’s age than Bobby, but still with more gray hair and lines than Cas honestly expected him to have. He looks at peace._

_This Cas has no wings._

_He kisses the child goodnight, murmurs a name Cas cannot hear, and turns out the light. Dean kisses ‘sweetheart’ goodnight too, and takes Cas’ hand, draws him into their bedroom._

_A demon lies in wait._

_Cas runs for the child, but that’s what the demon wants. It chases him, and he and the child die screaming while Dean lies helpless. Cas knows this will break the man, that he cannot recover from this loss, it is too much. Dean will never be happy again._

_**************************************_

_Dean is young again, but dead._

_He stands in a wide field, surrounded by other heroes just like him. Some of his family is here, though not all of his blood, but he does not stand with them. He looks towards the sky, and waits._

_An angel lands—Sera, the guardian of the dead. She speaks with a few of the dead, but she avoids Dean’s gaze. He walks over to him anyways._

_“Did you see him?” Dean asks._

_Sera nods. “He tells you that he loves you.”_

_Dean pauses. “Can I see him?”_

_“He is busy, Dean,” Sera says gently. “He has much to do, and time is strange up here.”_

_“I know,” Dean says, and he’s so polite despite the yearning in his eyes._

_“Your loved ones are here,” Sera whispers._

_Dean shakes his head. “Not all of them.” And he stands in Heaven, with everything and everyone he wants except for the lover who cannot die, who will never join him, who will make him bereft even in this place of peace._

*********************************** 

Cas screams and writhes under Zachariah’s spell. The visions grow more terrifying, more painful as the time goes on, until there are no words in any human tongue, no words even in Enochian to describe Dean’s pain. 

His pain. 

That is when he starts to beg for death. 

******************************************* 

It stops and Castiel looks up. Angels cannot cry, but there would be no tears now anyways. He understands. He has made a terrible mistake. It may be too late to undo it. 

"I am sorry,” he whispers, voice nearly gone. “Forgive me.” 

Zachariah smiles kindly. “Of course, Castiel. You did not understand the consequences of what you did. But you know now, don’t you?” 

Castiel nods. 

“You know that nothing can change Dean’s fate, no matter what you do.” 

Castiel nods again. 

Zach waves his hand and the restraints fall away. “You know that you must follow this plan, follow our lead, or Dean will die.” 

Castiel straightens. He looks Zach dead in the eye. “I understand.” 

And he does. And he plunges into Claire Novak’s body, protects Jimmy Novak, honours his dying wish because this human has suffered for him and he will be kind. But he turns away from Dean, because Dean cannot suffer for Castiel. 

He is not worthy of that. He is not worthy of Dean’s love. He is not worthy of Dean’s pain. 

Castiel is an angel of the Lord, and that will have to be enough. 


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel doesn’t forget. He rebels, of course, because Dean asks him to, and Zachariah has gone too far, and he _cannot_ let this happen. After all, he promised Jimmy Novak to protect his family, and they will not be safe in a world with Lucifer. He is fulfilling an angelic vow. That is all.

And the apocalypse happens, the world and Heaven nearly both go to hell, and Sam and Dean go from humans in his charge to friends Castiel swears to defend against everything, no matter what happens to them, no matter what happens to him. The years pass, and he is constantly amazed at how the brothers take their losses and turn them into triumph, their grief into energy to honour the dead, how their bodies and minds are battered and twisted again and again and they still come together, time after time. 

He struggles to copy them, to find the strength to rise again after all his mistakes, and they support him every time. Castiel is a part of their unit, with or without his wings, and he returns their companionship with fierce loyalty, even with careful, guarded love. 

But he cannot forget. 

Castiel tries so hard. He never puts Dean before Sam, hunters, the world entire unless he has no other choice, but the visions never go away, and their echoes haunt him. _Zachariah was right. Any time you help Dean, people get hurt. They suffer. Dean suffers._ And Castiel knows it, and he hates himself. He is weak, wrong, broken, that he would hurt the man he loves so deeply. As the years pass, so do some of the possibilities of breaking Dean, but there are so many more, so many. 

So Castiel guards his heart, guards Dean’s even more fiercely. He refuses to entertain Sam’s careful questions, the blatant prodding from others. It does not matter that they are right, that he _wants_ the man in so many ways, some he doesn’t fully understand. He cannot have him. He has to be more careful with his toys. (That thought, the particular vision it prompts, causes Castiel to vomit several times). 

But in all this, he forgets one important part.

He forgets Dean himself.

Dean, who goes from reeling from the possibility of having feelings for a man, let alone an angel, to thinking about it, to realizing with a jolt (from Sam and Charlie) that he is, indeed, in love with Castiel. And Castiel may be in love with him.

He’s wrong, Castiel would have told him if he asked. Dean is in love with Cas, the angel he first knew, the angel that Castiel reluctantly still plays. And maybe, just maybe, Cas was in love with him. But Castiel is not. Castiel can’t be. 

But Dean didn’t ask.

Instead they end up alone in a motel room, Sam in another room down the hall. Later, Castiel will realize this was done purposefully. Sam just wants his brother to be happy. He also doesn’t want to have to witness it. 

Dean reloads and cleans every single weapon they have before blurting it out. “Cas, I think I’m in love with you.”

Castiel doesn’t let him continue. 

“I am not in love with you, Dean. And I never will be.”

The expression on Dean’s face is horrendous to see, but it is delighted compared to some of the expressions Dean wears in the visions.

Castiel gets up, leaves the room and goes to Sam’s. He swings the door open and says bluntly “go stay with your brother.” 

Sam will kick his ass once he finds out what just happened, but Cas knows the hunter won’t return tonight. He lies down on the bed, grateful that he has learned how to sleep. 

Dean may hate him, but it is better than Dean loving him. 

Castiel will think of something to say in the morning.

And he would have done, if he had woken up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...apologize? Not really. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our surprise guest of honour makes an entrance in the best way he knows!

Dean doesn’t want to care that Cas is unconscious, unresponsive, and unwounded (as far as they can tell). 

He cares intensely. 

Sam spent the night drinking with him, cursing Cas for being such an ‘oblivious ass’. He mentioned several death threats, but he stayed with Dean instead of picking a fight, which Dean was grateful for. He didn’t need someone else he loved walking out on him right now, even if it was to murder someone that deserved it. 

No. 

Cas didn’t deserve it. Why would he love Dean? Dean’s a grunt, unimportant, a womanizer, a drinker…practically drenched in sin. Cas was too pure for him. Too good for him. 

Still, it made him feel a tiny bit better that Sam woke up about two minutes after he did, looked at Dean in the other bed, said, “I still need to kick his ass,” and promptly got up and left the room.

It made him feel a thousand times worse when Sam came running back, face white. 

Cas is lying fully clothed, breathing but other than that practically a corpse. Dean tries everything—shouting at him, slapping him, even (God help him) kissing him briefly, but nothing snaps him back. 

Dean’s reaching for his phone to call 911 when Sam finally gets it.

“It looks like African Dream Root to me. You remember, when Bobby…”

Sam doesn’t finish. Neither of them can, even now. 

Dean remembers, but it doesn’t fit. Cas didn’t have anything to drink the night before, not even water, since he doesn’t need to anymore. 

Then a weird idea strikes. 

Without a word he grabs hold of Cas, picks up the smaller man and lays him gently on the ground. Then he rips the mattress open with a knife.

“Dean, what—”

“Hex bag, it has to be.” 

Sam joins him, and it doesn’t take long for them to find the bag hanging innocently from a hanger in the closet. Dean rips it open, wanting to see what was done.

It looks like a fairly typical hex bag, except for two things. The first is the Dream Root, wound in a plastic bag with water. 

The second is a golden feather. 

Dean lays the bag down and turns the feather over. He knows what it is, but it doesn’t make any sense. It can’t be him...he's gone.

Sam whispers the archangel’s name, face white as he stares at the feather. 

And suddenly there’s another man in the room, a familiar face, but it can’t be. 

“You two chuckleheads were faster than I thought.”

Dean almost kills Gabriel on the spot.

“Take it easy, reassembling myself once took long enough.”

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m worried about right now!” Dean snarls. Sam’s standing right beside him, but he’s staring at Gabriel without anger, just confusion.

“How?”

“People still believe in me, kiddo,” Gabriel replies. “As long as that lasts, I can’t really be killed. Same problem with dear Luci.”

Dean can tell Sam wants to ask more, but he interrupts him. “What did you do to Cas?”

Gabriel sighs. “Why do you insist on asking questions when you already know the answer? A little bit of African Dream Root, and he’s out until someone goes in to pull him back. That someone’s you, by the way.”

Dean shakes his head. “I can’t.”

Gabriel tilts his head. “You can, and you will, because this has gone on long enough.”

“What has?”

“You’ll see.” Gabriel holds his hand up. “You have to see for yourself, because you can’t understand right now.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Gabriel groans. He’s holding a glass, suddenly, with dream root bubbling in it. “Always why with you two. Cas is an idiot, but he’s still my brother.” His eyes turn cold, and Dean flinches. “He was hurt bad, a long time ago, and you’re the only one who can fix him.”

“He doesn’t want me.” Dean means to continue, say ‘to help him’, ‘to be in his life’, but even that much hurts.

“He needs you.” Gabriel gives him the cup. “I’m not lying, I swear by my Father. Cruel, unnecessary damage was done to Castiel because of how much he loves you. Drink this. Go in and find your answers, and then fix your angel.”

For once in his life, and he doesn’t know why, Dean Winchester does exactly as he’s told.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean wakes up in the same gas station he broke into just after getting pulled out of hell. The windows haven’t been blown out yet, and everything is clean. There is no sign of Cas.

 Why would this place be important to Cas?

Dean goes to the window and looks out. He remembers a mostly empty, broad landscape, but outside is literally crowded with doors.

Dean heads outside. “Cas?”

His voice carries impossibly far, but there is no answer, no sign of another person. There’s only him and the doors.

On a hunch he whirls around. The gas station has vanished; only its door remains.

Getting the idea, Dean approaches the doors. He can’t say he recognizes any specifically, but dozens of them are definitely cheap motel doors. Others are large, industrial—warehouses, perhaps?

Cas must be through one of these doors, but there are so many. He could be in here forever.

Dean shrugs. May as well get started.

He strides to the door closest to him. This door is ornate, beautiful, almost incandescent. Dean takes the handle. It’s cold to the touch.

“Alright, what’s behind door number one?”

He steps through and freezes just over the threshold.

Dean’s never been able to see the true forms of any angel, not even his Cas, but he can tell that what he’s looking at are two angels. One stands over the other one’s tied, shaking form. There’s no sound, but Dean can tell the restrained one is in agony.

“What are you doing here?”

Dean turns. Cas is standing there, watching the angels. He still looks human, but the misery in his eyes looks exactly like the writhing angel.

“I came to get you out.” Dean swallows his hurt, his pride. “Gabriel’s back, somehow. He trapped you in here.”

Cas looks happy, for a fraction of a second. Then the angel cries out, and Cas flinches.

Dean doesn’t want to believe it.

“That’s you, isn’t it?”

Cas looks away.

“When did this happen?” Dean feels the familiar urge rising. _Gank them, kill them, punish them for hurting him…_

“This is a memory from a long time ago,” Cas replies.

Dean wants to punch him. He thought Cas had finally broken the oh-so-charming angelic habit of non-answers. He learned from the best, he supposed, but…

No.

“Is this…this is what happened when they dragged you back to Heaven, isn’t it?”

Cas still won’t look at him.

“Is that Zach?” Damn, he should have killed him harder. “What is he doing to you?!”

“Nothing.” Cas’ voice is worse than the screaming. “He’s only showing what I would do to myself. To you.”

Dean stares at Cas for a good long minute, then heads straight for the angels.

“Dean—”

“Sorry Cas, but I’ve got to see for myself, it’s the only way I can help you.”

“Dean—”

But Dean has already grabbed hold of Cas’ angelic form, and he’s thrown into Cas’ worst nightmare.

_Except it isn’t one nightmare._

_Dozens of scenes pass in front of his eyes. Him and Cas, together somehow, except it never works, it never ends happily. He watches as Cas breaks, as he breaks, as the world ends, as they die, as they live in hell…as the way that Cas loves him destroys him._

_The world finally stops spinning and he sees himself holding Cas as he bleeds out in a parking lot, shot because he jumped in front of Dean. Sam’s gone to get help, he can see him running, but Dean knows it won’t do any good._

_"Cas, don’t leave me,” dream-Dean begs. “You can’t—I don’t know how to live without you!”_

_“I’m trying,” dream-Cas chokes out, but there’s too much blood, he’s going and they both know it._

_Dream-Dean’s face twists into something hard and bitter. He lays Cas on the concrete and stands up. “You selfish son of a bitch,” he sneers, “so you can’t live without me and I have to live without you?”_

_Dream-Cas groans. “I’m sorry.”_

_“Sorry? You should have stopped it in the first place! Damn it Cas, why did you make me love you?”_

“Okay, hold on a second.”

_The two in the dream can’t hear him, but Cas, the real Cas, is still next to him, and he jumps with surprise._

_Dean turns on him._ “Are you seriously telling me you bought that crap? You bought all of this crap?”

“Loving you only destroys you,” _Cas says. “_ I can’t do that to you.”

_“_ And where’s my say in this?” _Dean demands._ “Cas, you didn’t make me love you.”

 “Sometimes I do.”

“Cas, that isn’t **real**. None of this is real, in case you haven’t noticed! None of this has happened!”

“Some of it still could.”

_Dean grabs him by the shoulders._ “And I don’t care. You know why, you idiot? I’m human. I’ve had free will all my life, and it’s caused me a hell of a lot of trouble. But from the moment I met you I was grateful for it. Because I could choose to fall in love if I wanted, with anyone…and I chose you.”

_Cas stares back at him._

“Took me a while to see it,” _Dean admits_ , “but it started the minute I saw you for the first time. Hell, it may have started the first time I heard your voice, even if did almost blow out my eardrums.”

_Cas smiles carefully. He tries to step away, but Dean’s holding him too tightly._ “Dean, I’m flattered, really, but this is not safe for you. I am not good for you.”

“Of course you are, Cas.”

_Dean tries to think of a way to prove it, and then he laughs. Of course, it was obvious._

“Cas, you’re an idiot.”

_Cas glares at him but Dean feels like he’s flying._ “Who showed you all this? Zach, right?”

_Cas nods._

“Well in case you haven’t noticed, he’s dead. And that’s not all. Zach was showing you a future that would happen if he was God, if he was in charge. And he’s not anymore, is he?”

_Cas shakes his head. His hands are hovering near Dean’s shoulders, and Dean steps forward enough that they make contact, right over Cas’ faded handprints._

“No, he’s not, and neither are his kind.” _Dean tries to soften his tone._ “Heaven might be screwed up, but these horrors aren’t in our future. Because guess what? They’re not the Will of God. If they were, would you really still be with me?”

  
_Dean watches desperately as Cas thinks this through, struggling to keep from bashing his idiotic angel in the head until he believes it. Cas. Please._

“I…have never been able to leave,” _Cas admits._ “I can’t abandon you, even if staying may bring on one of these…these…”

_Dean doesn’t let him struggle through explaining that._ “Cas, I don’t care if one of them does come true. I’ve seen them all, and you know what would be worse?”

_Cas looks up at him. His hands are clenched in Dean’s shirt, nails digging into his skin, but there’s no pain._

“The worst would be this,” _Dean whispers._ “Knowing I love you, knowing that you love me, and still not being able to be happy. Together.” _He puts one hand on Cas’ face._ “I can face any pain than that. Please Cas, that would be worth anything.” _He winces._ “Is it not for you?”

_Cas tries to duck his head, but Dean won’t let him. He makes Cas look him straight in the eye. “_ I don’t want to watch you hate me,” _he says._

“I won’t,” _Dean answers. He smiles at Cas, the biggest smile he’s given anyone in a long time._ “I want this, Cas, no matter how it turns out. Zach was wrong. I love you too.”

_And that seems to be the final piece, because Cas smiles, their dream selves disappear, and_

Dean wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by the structures of mind palaces in Sherlock for the inside of Cas' mind. One more chapter to go...don't worry, it's quite fluffy to make up for the beginning :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Cas wakes he’s in Dean’s arms.

The two of them are in the same motel room, but the bed is much softer, the blankets much warmer than they were when he was last awake.

Dean’s hand strokes through his hair and he turns his attention back to the hunter.

“You okay, angel?”

“More than okay,” Cas replies, because okay is a stupid word that doesn’t do this calmness, this peace justice.

Dean smiles, and he leans forward just enough to let their foreheads touch. “No more worrying about all of that, alright?”

Cas doesn’t think he can promise that. The visions will still haunt him, he knows that for sure. He will question himself again, he knows that.

Dean interrupts his thoughts. “Cas, please.”

And Cas discovers that once again, he is wrong.

“I promise, Dean.”

“Good.” Dean hesitates for only a second before pressing his lips to Cas’, arms tightening around him. Cas surprises himself by deepening the kiss, clutching Dean as hard as he can.

When they finally break apart, Dean’s breathing hard and there’s a glow in his eyes that Cas has never seen so steady, only in bursts and flares when things go right for once.

“I love you,” Dean whispers.

Dean is happy. Dean wants Cas, loves him even though he saw the same things that Cas did, the things that sent Cas running from the only happiness he’s ever wanted. His strong, brave man loves him too. And that will be enough to stop all of it from happening, he can see that now, because Dean was right. Zach was wrong.

He never made Dean love him. Dean chose him.

And he chose Dean.

And that is good.

“I love you,” Cas says, and he says it with heart and mind and body, as he will for the rest of their days.

Dean strokes his cheek, and Cas closes his eyes, leans into the other man’s kiss.

Several minutes pass this way, and Cas is surprised it takes this long for them both to remember that their brothers might be lurking. He pulls away from Dean with extreme difficulty (the man’s too strong for his own good) and looks around.

There is no sign of Sam or Gabriel anywhere.

“Huh.” Dean’s looking too. “I guess they went elsewhere.”

For a minute, Cas is worried. Then he looks at Dean, and they realize that their brothers have given them a great gift.

Privacy.

“I’ll thank Gabriel later,” Cas says casually.

“You do that,” Dean grins.

He pulls Cas down again, and this time Cas doesn’t resist, doesn’t reconsider, he simply loves.

That is his will, Dean’s will.

And none is higher.

 

Fin

 

_And remember, the truth that once was spoken,_

_To love another person is to see the face of God._

_-Les Miserables_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope to post a companion story to this one in the next couple of weeks. Cheers, Acme.


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